Adoption finalised

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Adoption finalised

Post by Honey on Mon 4 Mar 2013 - 13:38

Today is exactly 4 years since I last saw Zander's bio father, and he only made an effort to see his child once when he was about a day old.

I have never really grieved over him, there never was time for it and when I finally had time for it it wasn't necessary any more. Sometimes I still think in terms of "what if's" but it feels like such a betrayal towards my great husband that I don't dwell on that much.

Anyways, so I got married, we started the adoption procedure to have dh adopt Z, bio father agreed and process was set in motion.

I got our papers back today, as well the court order to have Zander's surname changed and for the first time ever I actually creid about the relationship that is over, rather from happiness that the adoption is done. I think its because in my heart I knew that until this court order came through the bio father and I cannot be not over, even though I am married to someone else. I didn't cry because I still loved him and its over, I cried because of the choices I was forced to make and how it will affect my child, I cried over the fact that I will be explaining to Zander what happened one day and not him, and I cried because of the person he became as opposed to the person he was when I met him. He wasn't always an asshole, or a drug addict. There was a time when he was just like my husband is now. What hurts me so badly is that we were so close to making it as a really great couple and then watching him walk away from everything. I should never have taken him back that second time, I should have known that any man that leaves his pregnant girlfriend with an empty house, not even toothpaste, doesn't have a heart. I should have realised the Wikus I knew was long gone by the time he finally left.


Anyway our adoption is now finalised and the papers stamped and sign and I can finally just move on. I just thought it ironic that on the anniversary of the day Zander finally lost his father he got official confirmation that he also has a new one.
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by elleznom on Mon 4 Mar 2013 - 13:44

XXX

_________________
*BFP #1! 15/07/2008
1st Beta on 15/07/2008 = 51.2 (4w)
2nd Beta on 19/07/2008 = 258.7 (4w4d)
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Joshua Connor de Villiers born 23/03/2009, weighing 3.21kg, 47cm tall.


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Marilé Shiloh de Villiers born 09/11/2011, weighing 3.52kg, 48cm tall.
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by Lilly on Mon 4 Mar 2013 - 13:52

xxx thinking of you xxxx
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by Alleycat on Mon 4 Mar 2013 - 13:56

Bear love
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by Chantalle on Mon 4 Mar 2013 - 14:00

big hug
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by Tanja on Mon 4 Mar 2013 - 14:07

Sjoe Honey what a story.
I can imagine just how you must feel.
Hugs
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by Lameez on Tue 5 Mar 2013 - 8:54

Honey you have travelled a long and difficult road but with such a great outcome, those trials you have been through has made you who you are today and Zander will look back and see what an amazing mother you are and how amazing your husband, congratulations because now finally you can look forward to a wonderful future with no strings.
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by Twinky on Tue 5 Mar 2013 - 9:18

Lameez wrote:Honey you have travelled a long and difficult road but with such a great outcome, those trials you have been through has made you who you are today and Zander will look back and see what an amazing mother you are and how amazing your husband, congratulations because now finally you can look forward to a wonderful future with no strings.

I couldn't have said it better than Lameez, you are a wonderful mother Honey and you only want and did whats better for your son. Whatever happened has made you stronger Hugs Zander is a lovely child who also deserves whats best for him
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by LilianJ on Tue 5 Mar 2013 - 9:40

I have goosebumps reading your post.

You are an AMAZING woman, mother and wife. You have done the best that you can for your son. And nothing short of the best for your son. And you husband is a remarkable man. Not many men take up the responsibility of another man. Big ups to him.

So happy that all is finalized and that you can now move on and look back and say WE DID IT. We have come so far, and look at us.

I am very proud of you Honey. And I admire you and your strength!!!

All the very best for your family's future
xxx
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Re: Adoption finalised

Post by michmac on Tue 5 Mar 2013 - 12:52

Bear love my friend, not an easy road that you have walked but you have come out the other side braver, stronger and an amazing mom. Zander has a wonderful dad who really loves him and you can see that by the way he interacts with him. There is no harm in crying about what could have been but know that your and Zanders future is much brighter and filled with more love by the choices that you have made!

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