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Post by Petru on Tue 27 Jul 2010 - 10:54

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Post by Haze on Tue 27 Jul 2010 - 11:00

Yes, I think adoptive mommies can, you still have the exact same responsibilites at natural mommies, you're still given a "new life" to be responsible for!


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Post by Guest on Tue 27 Jul 2010 - 11:05

I agree with Haze. The responsibility stays the same. And the pressure and adjusting to a new life is exactly the same!

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Post by Petru on Tue 27 Jul 2010 - 11:23

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Post by Haze on Tue 27 Jul 2010 - 11:26

Oh Petru, if you were a bad mom you wouldn't care! The fact that you are worried about things is because you are a good mom!

Trust me - I don't think motherhood comes naturally to anyone! It just looks like it from the outside...

big hugs

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Post by Sheena on Tue 27 Jul 2010 - 11:41

I definitely think you could suffer from baby blues but more as a result of tiredness etc rather than the hormone imbalance that comes with pregnancy and birth etc.

Any normal person would feel the way you do with lack of sleep and responsibility also the social worker alone is a lot of pressure to try and be perfect all the time!

You are doing a great job and mommyhood from what I see is not easy on the best of days.

Take it one step at a time. It is a learning curve as well. With each passing day you get to know your children better and what they want, need etc.

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Post by michmac on Wed 28 Jul 2010 - 11:02

Petru thank you for posting this, it is so true, i felt exactly the same way when Rebecca first came home. I felt that i didn't have the right to feel tired or overwhelmed cause i'd always wanted this and had been given such an amazing gift that i didn't have the right to complain or moan or even feel that i wasn't coping. I cried alot those first few weeks sometimes out of happiness for what i had been given but sometimes just cause i was so frikking tired and it was such a huge responsibility that just appeared. Remember you and i didn't have 9 months to prepare this just happened very suddenly plus you have two children so give yourself a break, sometimes you need to cry just to relieve the tension. As a single mom i work full days and i still feel guilty that she spends more time with the au pair than with me but i know that it's the way it has to be and these days most families the mom and dad both work and the kids have to be looked after so please don't beat yourself up about that. Get yourself some rescue remedy and when things are getting too much take some it really helped me in the beginning. Hugs
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Post by Pandora on Wed 28 Jul 2010 - 19:20

I agree! We feel we fought so hard to be mothers that we have no right to complain! Two days after we fetched our baby we started renovating! I had people in my house my entire maternity leave. But I felt I had to just cope. Thank goodness my MIL was around and would give us a break quite often to sleep or just catch up with stuff. Sometimes, a year later, I still think I haven't caught up yet! And I feel constantly guilty about woking full time, although she loves creche.
It is such an overwhelming mixture of emotions that I am sure it can cause PND. But it does get better. It is good to bring it out and talk about it, because we need to know we are not the only ones that feel this way, and we also have a right to be tired, and fed up and we also need some time to ourselves sometimes. Not always easy! Hope things get brighter soon!

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Post by Kerryw on Thu 29 Jul 2010 - 8:44

I think it is so tough for people who really work hard to have kids that they feel they are not allowed to complain. I felt that since I went through IVF to have the boys I could not complain about not coping.

but hold in there chat to yoru Dr to see if he can give you something to hlep for a little while. Your two babies are so close together in age that it really must be like having twins - which is hard.

I also feel bad when I don't spend enough time with them but then I think that they are lucky to have many people to love them.
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Post by Petru on Thu 29 Jul 2010 - 9:30

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Last edited by Petru on Thu 17 Mar 2011 - 10:39; edited 1 time in total

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Post by michmac on Thu 29 Jul 2010 - 10:16

Glad to hear things are looking up Petru, hang in there Flower smile
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Post by SupaMum on Fri 13 Aug 2010 - 7:42

I think that it is completely normal and glad that hubby did night shift and you got some time out, we all need that!

My boys are 19 months apart (big brother and then twins) and that was close so I cannot imagine having them as close as Didi en Hannes, sjoe! The boys are now four and three and I STILL have days where I just want to weep, they get better and fewer but I think that they are there for life.

I find that keeping my vitamin intake up really helps, it keeps my system balanced and I feel that I am coping better.
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Post by Hopeful on Thu 21 Oct 2010 - 10:18

Petru wrote:Ladies, I have a question, do you think that adoptive mommies can get baby blues? I think it is the term, not sure how to describe it, natural mommies get some forms of depression after birth? Would like to hear your comments on this?

Twisted Hi Petru,

Yes, adoptive mothers also experience it. Almost everyone knows about post-partum depression or the baby blues, however, few people know that post adoption depression is a recognisable condition that affects many adopters.

Doctors often attribute post-partum blues to dramatic hormonal changes that occur after the birth of a baby, however, psychologists often link new mother's depression to the sudden overwhelming demands of an infant and new financial responsibility, as well as your loss of professional identity, social networks, and personal freedom. Sometimes depression is simply about not getting enough sleep or time to yourself. You can feel depressed and anxious if you do not "fall in love" with your child immediately, or old negative feelings about miscarriage and infertily often resurface etc. Adoptive parents could have been so focussed on the goal of getting a child that they did not prepare themselves for caring for a child.

Often adoptive parents do not feel free to talk about their depression to friends, family or especially their social worker, because those who supported you during your quest to become a parent now believe that you are the happiest person in the world and especially not your social worker, because you will be too afraid to jeopardise the adoption.

Search for the following article - Post Adoption Depression: The Unacknowledged Hazard by Harriet White McCarthy on http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com

Remember that you are not alone! for you
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Post by Petru on Thu 21 Oct 2010 - 10:39

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