Surrogacy - A more out there topic ...

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Surrogacy - A more out there topic ...

Post by reluctantmom on Mon 24 May 2010 - 19:54

When I had my first child in 2001, I was extremely keen to act as a surrogate afterwards.

I looked at how ambivalent I was about children, but then realised the fierce love I felt for my son. It made me think that there are couples are who were literally dying a little a day to have a child, and did not have the resources to make it happen. How must THEY feel the day they get to hold their child in thier arms? If it was so easy for me, surely it was not really a hard question to pose.

I am not sure of my motivation, but it was just this urge, and I researched surrogacy to death.

I approached my paed (as I knew he had been struggling with TTC issues and hoped that he might just put me in contact with a couple or an organisation). He recommended me to a nurse who specialised in fertility issues. I contacted her but was met with a lack lustre approach and after several calls from my side, it just did not go anywhere.

I had no idea of how things worked, and not sure how to move the process forward. I was younger, less forceful, and less sure of myself than I am today, so the resistance I met made me think that maybe I was on the wrong path, and maybe surrogacy was just not as main stream as I thought it was.

I did a lot of internet research, but much of it then was UK and USA based, and there was just nothing SA linked that I could find. I saw an advert for a couple who were looking for a surrogate, and I responded, but the advert was pulled and I believe it was illegal to "advertise" for a surrogate as the newspaper posted a notice a few days later.

The issue was that I was willing and more than able to act as a surrogate - beside myself keen actually. No matter how much I tried to make contact with someone or an agency/organisation who could act as a go between it really was not to be. I am really task focussed and extremely driven, so it was not for lack of trying.

Anyway, as things moved forward, I chose to have baby 2 (4 years later) and baby 3 (8 years later).

I love being pregnant, and carry easily and without complications. Again after the birth of my third child I made contact with an SA based organisation who was much more geared. Unfortunately I would not be eligible as I had had 3 c-sections (though elective) - and this did not match thier application requirements.

The point I am trying to make is that no doubt there are several women who would act as surrogates, and the information of how to go about it is just not common knowledge.

Possibly if it could just be advertised/circulated a bit more aggresively and potential moms, or moms, or women know that this need exists, and that they may be willing to assist, I think the message would not fall on deaf ears.
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Re: Surrogacy - A more out there topic ...

Post by TarrynT on Tue 25 May 2010 - 16:13

So true hey!! I would love to do it one day.
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Re: Surrogacy - A more out there topic ...

Post by Guest on Wed 26 May 2010 - 6:31

It's absolutely true what you are saying. Surrogacy is NOT a new thing, it's been around for thousands of years, and something that women should be educated about. I have also done loads of research regarding this and SA is far behind in this regard. I refuse to work through an agency as they require financial re-imbursement to the birthmother and i don't agree with that. If I am willing and able to have a child, it would be unethical to me to practically "sell" a child to a couple that would give anything to have an angel of their own. I am more than convinced that I have the personality and the mind set it takes, and I look forward to doing this for someone when the time comes, but not at a cost of R100 000+. Many couples going this route has already spent a huge amount of money on fertility treatments and very few can afford the high costs the agencies charge, they forget that above all a child is a GIFT and a blessing. I will thus be going the private route when my turn comes, with all the proper measures in place as required by the legal system. I also love being pregnant, and my first pregnancy went by without a hitch, but I also know that I very defenitely do not want any more children for myself. I have the most beautiful son in the world and the love I feel for him should be something every women should be able to experience.

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Re: Surrogacy - A more out there topic ...

Post by reluctantmom on Wed 26 May 2010 - 11:10

I think there are lots of people who would be attracted to surrogacy, egg donation, sperm donation and adoption if the information was just easier to come by and more main stream, and just more there.

Right now it appears to be this "secret society" that exists on the peripherals of society, that main stream girl-and-guy are not tapped in to.

I think there are many people whose natural tendencies are not to go and research something to death. They are not going to knock on doors or phone total strangers to get information, or spend hours going through sites and links and reams of pdfs to find the what or the how of what they need. They are easily discouraged and will walk away from the process rather than go through all of this.

Unfortunately most of this key information is hidden away in little pockets all over the web, and in most cases you need to find that "oracle" who can guide you through it.

It really is a pity that information around these issues is not more available, in one place, well presented and easily explained for Joe Public.

It really is only available to people who really want it, and who make it their life's mission to go and find it, which the reality being told is not everyone. This forum is great as it is here and people can come and find it - but it does require people to have found it and step forward and ask questions - and there are a lot of people who do not have the courage to do this.

I wish there was an SA based website that was just more main stream with this information, and the idea of surrogacy, donor and adoption got to be more accepted in the national mindset. Or maybe it is, and I have not seen it.
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