Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Go down

Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by reluctantmom on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 7:50

I wanted to introduce myself to the forum - and tell you how relieved I am that this forum exists. I have been so frustrated trying to get adoption information and found that the only way I was getting anything was word of mouth. Fortunately I have a resilient constitution, and have been speaking to anyone who I can make contact with to give me an idea of what the process is, what to expect and how to go about it.

I have three biological children, and have this urge deep in my soul to adopt a fourth child. I can't explain it, I can't reason it, I can't even justify it - it just exists and the feeling has invaded me on the cellular level. Talk about a mild obsession! Tomorrow I have an orientation meeting with Child Welfare - am dead excited.

I have spoken to Pro-Care - I was a little shocked when I asked the SW to give me a ballpark figure of costs that I would probably be facing and she said R30 000.00. Gulp, then I read a post here that presented information in a neat format and that total was closer to R90 000.00 - er, double gulp.

So here I am, if you have something that you think will be useful that you think I need to know, please please please, throw it at me - any advise is appreciated, and most opinions would be considered. Some I might roll my eyes at, but that is the beauty of the internet ....
avatar
reluctantmom
Junior Member
Junior Member

Number of posts : 21
Age : 46
Location : Northern Suburbs, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-03-18

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by DJMommy on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 7:56

Hi and welcome to the forum!

You will get oloads of advice from the mommies here! Hope to see you on here often!

_________________


9x DIUI
3x Laparoscopies
1x Hysteroscopy
AMH: 0.6
1x IVF (Sept 09)
1st Beta 20/09/09: 208
2nd Beta 21/09/09:290
3rd Beta 25/09/09: 1985
4th Beta 29/09/09: 10318
TWINS!
avatar
DJMommy
Admin
Admin

Number of posts : 15278
Age : 40
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-01

http://myttclife.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Adele on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 8:16

Welcome Welcome

I see you're also from Cape Town ! Whoohooo.

I unfortunatly don't know much about adoption etc but I assure you that you will get loads of information from people like Michmac who has been through adoption and Carmen who is currently going through the process and Hannah who adopted little baby Jaedin.

Enjoy your stay here!
avatar
Adele
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 7710
Age : 40
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-07-09

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Sheena on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 8:21

Ooooooooooo I am so excited that the adoption side of things is picking up here. We have some fantastic success stories and some beautiful angels to show for it.

Welcome and I hope that you find the answers that you are looking for. Such a wonderful thing that you are going to do! Welcome
avatar
Sheena
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8733
Age : 39
Registration date : 2008-10-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Dooi on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 8:25

Hi girlie, welcome to this forum... so nice to see more adoptive mommies joining the forum!!!!

xx
avatar
Dooi
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 10660
Age : 36
Location : Bronkhorstspruit
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-03

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by michmac on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 9:04

Hi Reluctant Mom glad to see you on here!

Welcome to the forum, hope you find some useful information
avatar
michmac
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 2008
Age : 49
Location : Paarl, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-09-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Lameez on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 9:29

Hi reluctant mom, welcome to the forum and I am sure you will get all the info you need from some of the ladies here!
avatar
Lameez
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 4427
Age : 40
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-22

http://twinkles-thewhole9yards.blogspot.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Pumi on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 10:53

Hi there Welcome
avatar
Pumi
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 3490
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-11

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Ilze on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 11:00

Girlie wave Welcomegroup
avatar
Ilze
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8208
Age : 42
Location : Kuruman
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Pandora on Thu 18 Mar 2010 - 18:09

Hi there,

Think I spotted you on another forum as well! Welcome to this one, it is full of information and experiences.
We adopted a LG last year, who will be 1 soon. She was 2 months old when we got her, so we did not have the experience of meeting the birth mom and being there for the birth. In a way I feel I missed out on her first 2 months, but I am so glad I did not have to live through the dreaded '60 days', as we only found out about her after that was over. So we had very short notice, one day to arrange leave and let everyone know, one day to buy the bare essentials, and then we were parents!
Hope the meeting goes well. Let us know!

Pandora
Member
Member

Number of posts : 68
Age : 53
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-05

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Carmen on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 6:37

Hi and welcome. Glad to see the Adoption section is getting some activity! As Adele said I'm still in the process of adopting and it's not an easy road so far. So far it's been an emotional rollercoaster and let downs for me but I know I will have my baby one day! Please excuse my negativity as it is a different road for everyone. Hope yours will be smooth sailing! All the best for the orientation meeting today Smile
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 43
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Kerryw on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 8:46

HI

What baby are you looking for white or coloured? I am not Christian and asked private social workers what my chances were to adopt a coloured girl and I was rebuffed - I think it was the religion thing.

anyway we have decided to try for one more of our own and then see but I am keep uptodate on adopting just incase we have no luck.
avatar
Kerryw
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8763
Age : 42
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-05-31

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Guest on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 9:15

Whoop whoop welcome.

Good to see the adoption lounge growing as well as the Cape Town section.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by reluctantmom on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 9:48

Hi everyone, thank you for the welcome.

Today I went along to the Orientation session at Child Welfare. One of the stipulations they have is that as I have a child who is 9 months now, I cannot adopt until she is 18 months old. I am fine with that arrangement, but want to take the time now to do all the background and legwork.

At the moment I am probably more inclined to lean towards a black girl, but would probably also look at a coloured girl as well. My partner feels more of a lean towards a boy, but we need to discuss that a bit further.

I am super keen - like revvign to go to do this. My concern is that Kennith is a little less than keen. He worries about where we will be financially and the strain of a 4th child.

Last night we went out for an Asian meal, with the kids. There was chopsticks and noodles everywhere. Our baby was crying, it was total mayhem. We wake up this morning - and Kennith goes, you know, I really am thinking that a fourth is not that great an idea.

I am worried that I may be really driven/obsessed to do this, and at some point he might actually say "no." I am worried that that point might come. But that's today, maybe next week after the memory of our rather hectic dinner fades, he will start to warm to the idea again.

Does anyone else have experience where their partner is okay with the idea, but just not like very excited?
avatar
reluctantmom
Junior Member
Junior Member

Number of posts : 21
Age : 46
Location : Northern Suburbs, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-03-18

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Carmen on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 10:02

Due to us not having children, it is a joint decision to adopt which we both desparately want. The only little hurdle was on which sex! My husband obviously wanted a boy and I a girl. So after a little arguing we came to the compromise of not stipulating and rather be surprised as if I was pregnant. Also, we are adopting a coloured baby.

From time to time, my husband being level headed as he is worries about finances but I reassure him it will be okay and he goes back to being excited.

Adoption is very emotional as having your own children so it's natural for your husband to question or thinking its not a great idea. For me, I just feel that its very important that you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to adoption.
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 43
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Carmen on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 10:05

Sorry Reluctant Mom, I referred to your partner as your husband. Same thing at the end of the day hey Smile
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 43
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by reluctantmom on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 10:15

I am not sure for us if it is something that we both desperately want. I want it - Kennith is a bit lukewarm, but he focusses on very concrete/tangible issues i.e. where will everyone sit, what if we can't afford it when the time comes, will he ever be let out of the house again to go and play poker with his friends.

The important stuff.

My problem is that this is starting to consume me - and I realise that maybe I need to run with the process, do all the paperwork, do everything that I can do, and then there will be a "cooling off period" until we can go on to the waiting list as our baby will need to be 18 months.

I am hoping that he will support me through the process, and go through the process with me just so I can go tick - done. I don't want to wait until we are both totally ready as that might be forever or it might never come.

I recall similiar discussions when we wanted to fall pregnant, but we made a plan, both had concerns, but then when it happened, we sort of just got on with it and adjusted our lives to what ever was presented.

I feel desperate to go through the process - then we can still make revised deicision while we wait between "agency approving us" and "going on the waiting list as our baby is not 18 months."

Do I sound as insane/OCD as I feel today? I really feel adrenaline pumped and totally obsessed.

Well that is what I am hoping.
avatar
reluctantmom
Junior Member
Junior Member

Number of posts : 21
Age : 46
Location : Northern Suburbs, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-03-18

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Carmen on Fri 19 Mar 2010 - 10:22

I admire your passion to adopt a child especially when you have your own.

You definately on the right thought process. I think you will only know if its right when you run with the process, you will get a light bulb moment.

I'm a believer in if it happens then its meant to be ......
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 43
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Hannah's Hope on Thu 25 Mar 2010 - 7:43

Hi RM!

Sorry I'm only responding now. I've got a brandnew baby boy that is keeping me VERY busy LOL

I really admire what you want to do and I want to encourage you today! There are MANY babies and little aids orphans out there who desperately need a family and you guys sound just right to me!!! Do not loose hope, go through the 'leg work' like you put it, get your ducks in a row and before you can say 'sleep deprivation' you'll have your little bundle in your arms.

I think you should give K a break!! Men don't adjust as easily to these things as us women do and with your LO still being very small he can probably not look beyond the dirty nappies and drool and spit up at the moment! Give him a break, he'll get around.

That said, it is imperative that you guys agree on all aspects of the adoption BEFORE the home visit/screening. No social worker is going to go ahead with an adoption if they feel the parents aren't in unison about adopting.

I have a few docs that I threw together whilst on our adoption journey. I will be more than happy to share them with you, just shout.

Good luck RM and enjoy your little ones!!

Warm regards,
avatar
Hannah's Hope
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 712
Age : 46
Location : Pretoria
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-08-13

http://hannahamos7.wix.com/almostpregnant

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Stacy on Mon 24 May 2010 - 9:06

Hi there reluctant mom.

I have adopted twice now. And neither cost that much!!!!!I couldnt have afforded that!!! Im on about day 58 of the 60 day wait for the bio mom to change her mind, but each has cost us about R3000 to R5000. That includes social worker visits, home inspections, papers to magistrates court etc etc. I was told if you do it privately through a lawyer, it can cost in the region of your figures, but was warned aginst this as apparently the courts prefer you to just go through the social worker. And dont appreciate an upper crust lawyer!!!

For the first adoption my hubby fell in love wit Cassidy the day we got her. And we got her about 2 and a half months before it was finalised. I was worried that if the bio parents changed their mind, my hubby might beat them up!!! fight

With the second adoption, he was less keen to bond with the child because of the bio moms presence and 60 day wait. It has taken him time to soften to Blake. He plays with him a lot more now but is still a little to hard on him for my liking sometimes!!! He believes boys are boys and need to be tough. But he is definately starting to look on him as his son. The house is hectic though as there are only 6 months between my two!!!

Gve your hubby time to absorb the idea fully, carry on with the process and when that little bundle arrives in your lives, he will fall in love!!!!!! xxx
avatar
Stacy
Member
Member

Number of posts : 76
Age : 45
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-01-13

http://assistsa.gayl@lantic.net

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by reluctantmom on Mon 24 May 2010 - 11:09

Hi Stacy

Thanks for the note. Right now my partner is really keen to hold back on the process and wait ... not sure if "just wait" means he is waiting until he hopes I lose interest, or to wait until he warms to the idea. Though initially he was mildly warm to the idea, right now he is excessively cold to the idea of us adopting. I think when we try to go shopping or on an outing with three kids in tow, which is total chaos, he thinks "seriously you want to add a fourth to this?" - actually he really says that, and right at that point where I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown in what ever shopping centre we are in at the time, I can't actually pose a good argument against what he is saying!!!

Of course there is not much more for me to do, than to wait and broach the subject in a few months and see where his mindset lies at the moment. I am still very keen - though I am not blind to the realities of the difficulties of bringing another child into our rather overflowing situation where I already feel my resources are a bit stretched. I still am very emotional about the entire process (even though we are not evening at the starting block - we are still circling the parking lot right now).

I had a good old cry in my car this morning - I did not even watch the Carte Blanch report last night as I just felt it was just too traumatic for me, but I was listening to 567 Talk this morning, and it was enough to make me cry all the way while I drove from the Northern to the Southern Suburbs - well over 90 minutes, so it was a good old cry!! Must have looked great to the folks in the car next to me.

I wanted to pick up my cell phone and beg my partner to just give in to me and let us go ahead with the adoption process, to try to assist just one little child out there. I am also not certain of what my motivation would be to adopt - is it to give me something that I want, or is it to offer the love and much needed home to a child in need - I am really not sure.

So that is sort of where we are at the moment - but hope burns eternal. I cling to my rather thin hope that maybe after this year has closed and we have seen some of the things we need to see through this year, I can broach the subject again early next year and hope that maybe the response will be more positive.

You know when you want something so bad ... you literally cry inside .... so that is me today. Feel mildly better that I had a place and a time to say what is running around in my head.
avatar
reluctantmom
Junior Member
Junior Member

Number of posts : 21
Age : 46
Location : Northern Suburbs, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-03-18

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum