Totally devasted!

Go down

Totally devasted!

Post by Carmen on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 12:41

Hi everyone,

I am so upset. We have gone through all the screening, the home visit, the medical tests etc etc. I just got a call from the SW and she said that the adoption board feel that we should go for fertility treatment! If after a year I have not fallen pregnant then they will re look at our application! We made it quite clear to her from the begining that we do not want to do fertility treatment. It wasn't only a decision made clearly on on finances but also we feel that if we did not fall pregnant then it was just the road God chose for us and rather opted to adopt. She said they also recommend us asking children's homes to look after babies on weekends as this might make me fall pregant because sometimes this happens when you being a mother to another child - oh please!!

This is so devastating and I'm in tears ..... how do I deal with this rejection?
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 42
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Sheena on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 12:44

I can't believe that they make decisions like that for you. I may be talking out of turn as I do not know the ins and outs of adoption but that sounds a little odd to me. There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many children out there that need to be adopted.

Is there no way you can go through another SW or agency (if you can call them that).
avatar
Sheena
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8733
Age : 39
Registration date : 2008-10-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Carmen on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 13:04

Hi Sheena, thanks for your reply. We went through a government funded home, maybe we will have to look to Procare.
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 42
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by michmac on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 13:20

Hi Carmen

I can't believe it and especially the bit about falling pregnant when you look after a baby :confused

I have emailed you, Sheena has a point maybe you should rather approach a private social worker

big hug i'm so sorry this has turned out this way
avatar
michmac
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 2008
Age : 49
Location : Paarl, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-09-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Carmen on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 13:30

Thanks Michele, I think we should approach a social worker. It's just when this happens, it makes me think even more "what's wrong with me" just like when trying to fall pregnant.

I must apologise for my spelling error in the topic line .... should be devastated not devasted
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 42
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Adele on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 13:37

She said they also recommend us asking children's homes to look after babies on weekends as this might make me fall pregant because sometimes this happens when you being a mother to another child - oh please!!

Excuse me? WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

Oh okay. So I have to babysit and that will scientifically make me fall pregnant. Looking after a baby will make my DH morphology better and his volume and everything. Well oh well. I can just kick my @ss that I never did this. Well what do you now!

WTF

Ag no man CLC. I'm really sorry about this. I get so worked up. They decide what's best for you, but a child doing TIK gets pregnant and she is allowed to keep her baby at age 18 or 15! Well that is just nice, but someone who is responsible and feels that they want to adopt should first go IVF. Ag no man! I'm out of words

Once again WTF
avatar
Adele
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 7710
Age : 40
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-07-09

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by tracyg on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 13:53

Hey CLC

Im in exactly the same boat as you. Im not falling pregnant after 2 years of trying and at the end of the year, DH and i are wanting to adopt rather than do any IVF treatments..

Where are you based? i have a contact to a private adoption agency - the lady is apparently the Best! :Yes
avatar
tracyg
Junior Member
Junior Member

Number of posts : 22
Age : 32
Location : CT
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-01-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Carmen on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 14:05

Hi Adele, I know! Im also WTF??? I wished I had stayed calm on the phone with her to ask the right questions!
I think tomorrow I have to call her back and actually demand what the real reason is?? I really don't think shes being honest with me or maybe she forgot to mention to the board that we made the choice not to do fertility treatments?
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 42
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by anotherone on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 18:32

I'm sorry, but that is BS! How can they insist that you go for fertility treatments at considerable cost? They cannot dictate how you build your family! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Why didn't they mention anything before you went through the whole screening process?

anotherone
Junior Member
Junior Member

Number of posts : 10
Age : 39
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-01-29

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Kerryw on Tue 2 Feb 2010 - 4:48

Gosh I am sorry that is strange.

Unfortunately the thing about looking after babies helping you fall pregannt is true - I saw a study somewhere, but it helps the woman not the male factor things.

But really surely the choice over fertility treatmet is yours??
avatar
Kerryw
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8763
Age : 42
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-05-31

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by DJMommy on Tue 2 Feb 2010 - 8:46

That is shocking!!!!!!!!!!

SO sorry hun. I hope you get a good private SW!

_________________


9x DIUI
3x Laparoscopies
1x Hysteroscopy
AMH: 0.6
1x IVF (Sept 09)
1st Beta 20/09/09: 208
2nd Beta 21/09/09:290
3rd Beta 25/09/09: 1985
4th Beta 29/09/09: 10318
TWINS!
avatar
DJMommy
Admin
Admin

Number of posts : 15278
Age : 39
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-01

http://myttclife.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Adele on Tue 2 Feb 2010 - 9:28

I'm still speechless about the looking after baby will help you WTF
avatar
Adele
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 7710
Age : 40
Location : Johannesburg
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-07-09

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Dooi on Tue 2 Feb 2010 - 9:32

big hug
avatar
Dooi
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 10660
Age : 36
Location : Bronkhorstspruit
Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-03

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by michmac on Tue 2 Feb 2010 - 9:43

Same here Adele and also why the hell didn't they tell her this before she went the whole route of evaluations, screening, home visits :confused Why waste her time like that!!!!
avatar
michmac
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 2008
Age : 49
Location : Paarl, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-09-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Sandy on Tue 2 Feb 2010 - 13:37

avatar
Sandy
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 4766
Age : 37
Location : JHB
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-01-28

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Hannah's Hope on Wed 3 Feb 2010 - 12:52

OH. MY. WORD.

First of all, I am SO sorry you have to go through this and that these idiots said the things they did. I am truly sorry.

Secondly, I have the name of an excellent SW in Cape Town. Yes, she's expensive but she will not give you bullsh*t like 'look after babies on weekends as this might make you fall pregant'. I am totally FLABBERGASTED that total morons like this are allowed to place precious children for adoption????!!!!!! :confused
avatar
Hannah's Hope
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 712
Age : 46
Location : Pretoria
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-08-13

http://hannahamos7.wix.com/almostpregnant

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Guest on Fri 19 Feb 2010 - 14:08

Hi there

I know I am replying rather late.

Don't let this SW put you off. You must try a different agency or different SW. Are you going privately or gov or through an agency?

We wanted to foster initially and sw was also not supportive and said oh we should first do weekend hosting, we said fine, then she visit first, we said fine, but she did not want to proceed. At the time I was devastated, we also just had a failed IVF and I was feeling like I would never be a mother. She made a comment we should look into adoption. Anyway on our own we did decide to proceed with adoption and have not looked back as we have our beautiful son. Don't give up just because you have received this comment from one person. You can PM me if you'd like.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Carmen on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 8:00

Hi Vanessa,

Thanx, I have sent you a PM.
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 42
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Petru on Mon 12 Apr 2010 - 10:53

Hi Carmen,

I am totally shocked. I am sorry. This is a long road, and a difficult road. Please try Tsenang Place of Safety. Ask for Magda Marie. She would be able to give you more information. That is the route we took and have two lovely children that we have in foster parent care with us, and we are in the process of adopting. There are allot of children needing parents. I fully support your decision of no fertility treatements. I have been trying for 9 years, without success. it is a personal choice not to go with treatment.
Please let me know if you have come right? Kind Regards Petru

Petru
Senior Member
Senior Member

Number of posts : 197
Age : 46
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-04-12

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Carmen on Mon 12 Apr 2010 - 11:44

Hi Petru, thanks so much for your reply, its greatly appreciated.
After lots of explaining about how we feel about fertility treatment and it just being a personal choice of not having it, the adoption board changed their mind and we have been placed on the waiting list for a baby.
So at the moment we are going to stick with them and maybe down the line if we are not getting matched then we will definately look at Tsenang Place of Safety. Thanks again
avatar
Carmen
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 856
Age : 42
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Stacy on Mon 24 May 2010 - 8:46

Hi there.

Im in the process of my second adoption! So know the whole process and I have also had people say to me, "Dont worry, now you will fall pregnant because you not stressing about it anymore!!!!!" As if 13 years of sex with no baby has only been due to stress !!!!

Unfortunately people who have no problem conceiving, have no idea what we go through!!! Ignore the comments and if I was you, I would look for another social worker!!!!!

Good luck sweetie.
xxx

flowerhi
avatar
Stacy
Member
Member

Number of posts : 76
Age : 44
Location : Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2010-01-13

http://assistsa.gayl@lantic.net

Back to top Go down

Re: Totally devasted!

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum