Small intro ** children mentioned **

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Small intro ** children mentioned **

Post by anotherone on Sat 30 Jan 2010 - 18:48

Hi everyone! I'm new to the adoption boards, but I've been lurking for very long. My main reason for not introducing myself earlier is that my husband and I don't have a history of infertility. Since most of the South African adoption boards are linked to infertility boards, I've been very wary of posting.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we just had our wedding anniversary on 15 January. We have 4 biological children and we both have the desire to have a large family through adoption as well. For various reasons, we decided not to work through Child Welfare agencies in South Africa. Most of the private adoption agencies are Christian agencies. We are both born again Christians, but do not belong to a church and a referance from a pastor is one of the agency requirements. Most of the agencies and private social workers work in birthmother programs, which I do not think is a good fit for us. I had some contact with an agency in the north and they told me it was unlikely that any birthmother would ever pick us, but that they were still willing to work with us, we just had to keep in mind that their considerable fees were non-refundable if a potential birthmother changed her mind. :Shocked After evaluating all of our local options, it seemed that international adoption would be our best bet. Unfortunately, our own government has been our biggest obstacle and we haven't been able to make progress. Our current plans involved contacting Procare in Cape Town in about 6 months to see if they were able and willing to work with us, but it seems our plans are changing again. Right now, I don't know what the future holds for us with regards to adoption. :Unsure

Thanks for welcoming to the board. Smiley

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Re: Small intro ** children mentioned **

Post by Lilly on Sat 30 Jan 2010 - 19:04

Hey Anotherone, welcome to OPM, personally I think its wonderful that you want to expand your family through adoption! Hope that everything works out for you in the end! xx
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Re: Small intro ** children mentioned **

Post by Hannah's Hope on Sat 30 Jan 2010 - 20:08

Wow!! I think you're awesome people and your 4 kids are lucky to have you. And happy 10th Anniversary!!

I know that it's difficult for your right now, especially since you have such a heart for adoption. I just hope and pray that our government will wake up sooner than later to enable you to have LOTS of children!

With regards to the whole reference thing, we had the same problem. We are also born again Christians and for reasons I won't go into right now, we are also not affiliated with a church at the moment. I was very straightforward with my SW about this and she said I just had to get a reference from the pastor that married us. I did this and no other questions were ever asked about it. And we have Jaedin - proof that you don't have to go to church every Sunday to be a good and deserving parent.

It seems that a private social worker will be a better fit for you than an agency? Especially because of the whole 'reference' thing? Although it seems that you haven't had much luck I do not think anyone can say to you that a birthmother will not choose your profile because you've got kids. NO one knows what's in a birthmother's heart and there may be a birthmom out there who is specifically looking for a big family and a couple with a long, stable marriage for her child to grow up in. Our son's bio mom chose us because we were an 'older' couple (38 and 40), she specifically stated that she didn't even want to look at profiles of couples younger than 35!!. All birthparents have different reasons for choosing couples, so it's absolute rubbish to tell you that a birthmom won't choose you!

I guess what I'm saying is don't loose hope. I have the details of a wonderful SW in PE. Sent me a PM and I will give you her details if you're interested.

Good luck and hang in there!!! The adoption forum is not always very active, so please join us in the General forum - lots of crazy topics and LOTS of laughs!!

Warm regards
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Re: Small intro ** children mentioned **

Post by Nix1407 on Sun 31 Jan 2010 - 14:50

Welcome hun!

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Re: Small intro ** children mentioned **

Post by Kerryw on Mon 1 Feb 2010 - 8:57

Hi

Welcome to OPM I think this is such a mixed place with fertiles and infertiles you should fit in fine.

With regrds to the church thing I would have a huge problem as we are not christian at all. We were married by a friend in a pagan ceremony and signed papers at home affairs. I have spent a lot of time studying Buddism and hate the suggestion that people are better just because they are christian. When I have known some christian people who do terrible things too.

Sorry will stop ranting about the Christian thing soon. My sister and I got called in last minute for a project once as the woman had only wanted to employ christians and they had let her down at the last minute. I almost wanted to say stuff you but the money was good.

I will have to start looking a whole lot closer at the adoption requirements.

But I love the fact that you want to add to your family by adopting. That is my dream too but at the moment my DH is having issues not to mention the fact that his folks would not treat the kid the same as thier real grandchildren.
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