SO upset by Dr. Phil's show yesterday!!

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SO upset by Dr. Phil's show yesterday!!

Post by Hannah's Hope on Tue 3 Nov 2009 - 10:27

Hi Ladies!

I don't know why I do this to myself. I taped Dr. Phil's show yesterday and watched it late last night. I shouldn't have. It was about a 16 year old pregnant teen and the choices that's available to her. Obviously most of the show was about adoption. And then of course, the sad story of the adoptive parents who have had botched adoptions FIVE TIMES!!!!!!! With one of the adoptions they actually had the baby for a week before the BM changed her mind.

I think what troubled me most about this specific story was the fact that the birthmom was 27 years old and she had 2 children from previous relationships - very similar to our BM!!! I was always ensured by all our SW's and experts that 90 % of the time it's teenage moms that change their minds, NOT women in their late twenties!! Now I'm not so sure......

I KNOW it's 'normal' to experience anxiety and I KNOW it happens to all adoptive parents and I KNOW I should trust God and, and, and. It is just so sad to me that I am wishing the next 2 months away until our son is officially ours!!! So many special 'firsts' happen during the first 8 weeks and yes, I'll experience them, but won't it always be with a sword hanging over us? Maybe Michmac can comment as well?

I'm so sorry that I'm moaning in your 'ears' today, I just HATE that I feel this way. The thing is, our SW has instructed the birthparents and us not to have any further contact as from Friday (30 Oct). The BM and I were in daily contact with each other via sms and to have this communcation cut off so suddenly and bluntly has left me totally confused. I have grown to love, admire and respect this woman so much and she is carrying our baby and now I'm not allowed to have contact with her!! We received a call at 8pm last night from the SW casually informing us that C thought she was in labour but it was a false alarm - this happened at 10am yesterday MORNING!!! I am so, so scared we are going to miss our son's birth because the SW has a thousand and ten other things on her mind. Am I being silly?

It feels like I'm going insane, I don't know how I am going to survive this next week........ At least I have the comfort of knowing that by this time next week a brandnew soul would have been called into being and he will be in the flesh with us as our son. Not a dream, not a wish not a whisper - but ours.

Warm regards and much love,

Hannah
xx
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Re: SO upset by Dr. Phil's show yesterday!!

Post by Haze on Tue 3 Nov 2009 - 10:41

Hannah, I think even if you were giving birth you'd worry about things, I remember staying up at night worrying that something was going to go wrong while I was giving birth! You just need to trust in God - eaiser sais than done hey?

Also the Dr Phil show, I think is dramatised (just MY OPINION) to increase viewer ratings, I don't think it happens that often???

When you first go into labour, it takes a while before baba is born... A few moms think they're in labour but it's quickly (in a matter of minutes) diagnosed by being put onto a machine that reads contractions... I'm sure if it's the "real thing" that the SW will call you - maybe just discuss it with her!

You're nearly nearly there - hang in there

big hugs mommy!

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Re: SO upset by Dr. Phil's show yesterday!!

Post by Joleen on Tue 3 Nov 2009 - 14:33

Oh Hannah - so sorry that you innocently watched Dr Phil. I have never been in your shoes but I do believe that the anxiety that you feel is normal. As my gynae once told me when I was in the early days of my pregnancy and I was worried that I would have an MC again. He said, "Joleen its not in your hands". Hannah, that is all I can say to you. Its not even in the BM's hands. As I later realised that being a mom is stressful. I worried throughout my pregnancy, I worried when the twins were born. I worried the first 2 weeks of their lives when they were in NICU. I worried that there would be something wrong with them or that something would happen. I worry now when they sleep, etc, etc.

No-one can make this stressful period go away. Our time on earth is limited and each day whilst you count the 60 days away, live for that day.

You can "talk" to us now that you cannot speak to your BM. We are all here for you.

Have you thought of keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts, fears, etc? It might help you get through the next couple of weeks.


Last edited by Joleen on Tue 3 Nov 2009 - 14:35; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : incorrect grammer)
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Re: SO upset by Dr. Phil's show yesterday!!

Post by michmac on Wed 4 Nov 2009 - 9:42

Hannah why oh why do we have to see these things when we are at our most vulnerable. I had a similar experience just after Rebecca came home and remember how it threw me for a complete loop. These feelings are normal Hannah, the same as the other ladies have said about worrying about childbirth. We as mom's will always find something to worry about!! About the 60 days, i'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's a walk in the park, it's something that does stay in the back of your mind all the time but i promise you the moment you bring Jaedin home it will not be your sole focus. I also worried in the beginning that i was wishing Rebecca's first two months away by just wanting the 60 days to pass but newborn babies keep you VERY busy and i promise you, you won't have too much time to dwell on it. I also worried that if i thought about it too much i wouldn't be able to bond with Rebecca so i literally forced myself NOT to think about it especially when i was with her, this sounds weird i know but i suppose it's what works for each person! You also have to trust in God. My SW gave me a handy bit of advice, she told me a few days after Rebecca came home, don't only pray to thank god for the gift you have received but pray for the BM who has given you this gift, that she may be happy in her decision. Don't know why but that helped me immensly and i did exactly that. Hannah you also have to trust your SW in the fact that she has councelled the BM correctly so that she is happy with her decision, which from your previous posts it sounds as though she is confident in her decision that Jaedin is your son. Hannah i can't tell you not to worry because it's normal to worry about all of this and it's not a normal situation but try and push the worry aside and just enjoy Jaedin one day at a time. Each day we are given is a gift.
Thinking of you
Love
Michele
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Re: SO upset by Dr. Phil's show yesterday!!

Post by DJMommy on Wed 4 Nov 2009 - 10:08

Flower smile

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