Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Go down

Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by michmac on Wed 14 Oct 2009 - 11:20

I hope i don't offend anyone but i'd like to get peoples opinion on the following.

A woman came to visit me yesterday evening, i don't really know her so i can't say she's a friend but she is interested in adoption and as I've been down the road, a friend had told her she should chat to me. I have no problem talking to people about it and am happy to help anybody who is interested or who wants info but to me she is just strange. Let me explain.... she arrived and was visibly shocked to discover my daughter is coloured (my friend obviously just told i'd adopted and didn't go any further than that which is fine as i don't think they even see the colour thing anymore) she then started explaining how she could NEVER EVER adopt across the "colour line" as she wouldn't be able to cope with the "cultural" differences, however she is EXTREMELY keen on adopting a chinese or russian baby :confused are there not HUGE cultural differences between a south african family and a chinese family???? or even russian for that matter. They both have completely different cultures from us especially the chinese, if the culture thing is such a problem as to how you include this in a black or coloured childs life then how the hell are you going to re-create the chinese culture here. Anyhow when i gently asked her how she would incorporate the chinese or russian culture she didn't really know but reckoned it would be easier because the child would be accepted more easily into the community. Interesting answer because this just tells me that you are more interested in what people around you say than what is in the best interest of the child. Do these people live in the DARK AGES???? Hundreds of people adopt across the colour line because they want to be a mother (or parents) to a child NOT becuase they worry about what the neighbours might say or how closed minded some people might be. And as i'm typing this i think i've answered my own question, some people are just small minded. I'm in no ways upset by what she said i'm just baffled that people are so doff. Rather be honest and say I will only adopt a white child because that is what i want don't make excuses that don't make sense.
avatar
michmac
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 2008
Age : 49
Location : Paarl, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-09-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by Sheena on Wed 14 Oct 2009 - 12:16

This follows on from Hannah's post yesterday... I agree with you totally!
avatar
Sheena
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8733
Age : 39
Registration date : 2008-10-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by Hannah's Hope on Wed 14 Oct 2009 - 13:06

Hi M!

First of all, I am so sorry that this incredibly rude and insensitive person crossed your path. Life is so short, one certainly does not need crap like this in your life - especially not if you're only trying to help other people AND you have to cope with a baby!!!

Some advice from a fool? Do NOT invite people to your home to 'help' them regarding their adoption questions. I know it seems like a terrible thing to say, but believe you me, I have learned my lesson!! Tell your friends/family that you are happy to answer questions regarding adoption, but they must please be posed via email or sms. This way you do not allow all kinds of funny characters into your personal space and you are not vulnerable to other people's cruel remarks or insensitive comments. This way you will also know very soon whether a person has a genuine and serious interest in adoption or whether they are just being inquisitive or nosy.

I just realize more and more that people are SO uneducated about adoption in general, because of wrong information out there, because of ridiculous movies and books (I'll rant about that in a separate thread) and because they do not bother to get educated or ask questions. I really don't mind innocent questions (even if they are sometimes offensive) it is people who are obvious morons that sends me running to the mountains.......

Good luck and I think you're a wonderful mommy and Becca is beautiful!!!!

Big hug,
avatar
Hannah's Hope
Uber Member
Uber Member

Number of posts : 712
Age : 46
Location : Pretoria
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-08-13

http://hannahamos7.wix.com/almostpregnant

Back to top Go down

Re: Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by Sheena on Wed 14 Oct 2009 - 13:18

Girls... I take my hat off to both of you!

My friend in Holland has just adopted an Sri Lankan baby and she is the most beautiful little thing in the world. Her parents were killed and she was left an orphan at 11 months old. Do you think that in 10 years time she is going to care whether her parents are of a different colour or rather that she has people who cared enough to adopt her, give her a safe home, opportunities and the abundent love that they have to offer!

I think Hannah has hit the nail on the head. In some cases it is just pure ignorance or maybe it is a facination.. I don't know.

All that matters at the end of the day is that the choice that you have made is right for you and you know in your heart that you have fulfilled your dreams and given two beautiful children wonderful homes filled with love!
avatar
Sheena
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 8733
Age : 39
Registration date : 2008-10-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by Lilly on Wed 14 Oct 2009 - 20:58

had that discussion with a friend just yesterday, a lady I know is trying for #2 because she wants to fix her marriage after having an affair and not really wanting the first LO in the first place! I told my friend its unfair that women like her fall pregnant with healthy babies they dont want in the first place, while other adopt babies from other races, just so they too can have a child of their won, a little person to love!! and them people come and judge them!!!
avatar
Lilly
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 10908
Age : 33
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-03-04

Back to top Go down

Re: Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by michmac on Thu 15 Oct 2009 - 10:49

Thanks ladies for all your comments. Hannah you are so right, email from now on, no more wasting my evening with ignorant idiots!!
avatar
michmac
V.I.P. Member
V.I.P. Member

Number of posts : 2008
Age : 49
Location : Paarl, Cape Town
Mood :
Registration date : 2009-09-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Your opinion wanted (sorry long post)

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum